I need a man to trim my bush!

Untrimmed BushI have a problem. My bush has become really overgrown and I need a man to trim it for me. Unfortunately I am not skilled at trimming my own bush, perhaps because I find it hard to concentrate for the length of time it takes to trim it into shape. Usually I am not short of volunteers to attend to my bush, but for some reason, this year I am having a problem finding anyone willing to get their hands dirty and re-shape my overgrown bush to see it through until next Spring.

Naturally trimming my bush is a job I want done very well so that it looks nice for anyone I decide to show it off to. To clip a bush requires patience and effort if the end result is to be fashionable, and last year my Brazilian Bush was the envy of all of my friends and Neighbours. Of course as the bush begins to grow back it can become quite bristly, but regular clips can keep this under control with minimum effort, (so long as you are careful not to disturb any wildlife that may be living and nesting within it at the time).

Another important tip is never to try and trim your bush when it’s wet. A wet bush can be very hard to trim, as well as being quite dangerous if you are using an electrical set of clippers to tidy it up. I have experienced many weeping bushes, and now realise it is far better to let a man tackle this problem, and they usually enjoy every minute of it and take a pride in ensuring each bush is a beauty to behold. My extra special tip is to try to have a fragrant bush, as men far prefer to trim these than any old neglected bush they have thrust in their faces demanding a haircut.

A Screwed BushOne thing is for sure, the end result you want to see is a perfectly neat, trimmed bush that you can be proud of and would happily enter in competitions. There are many styles of bush clip you can choose, but my personal favourites are the ‘screwed bush’ and the ‘shaggy pussy bush’, (the latter of which has a flowing mane and looks great when wet). The ‘screwed bush is harder to maintain unless clipped regularly, but most male friends will be happy to oblige and may even offer to screw your friend’s bushes too if they need attending to.

Also, use your imagination and try to find ways to liven up your bush and give it that extra exciting finish such as experimenting with a rabbit for instance. Rabbits really lend themselves to the right kind of bush, and your bush will be the envy of your neighbours if you give it this extra attention.

Perfect ballsMy best friend has a fantastic pair of balls which are truly breathtaking. They need regular trimming too, but the end results are well worth the effort involved, and I have even helped him on occasion as they are small enough that I find them easy to work on. In return he has helped me to keep my bush under control, and he always does a great job on it. The last time he trimmed my bush my Husband was so impressed that he recommended him to help with a work colleague’s Japanese box. It was a bit of a maze, but he found his way through it, and as you can see from the picture he sorted out her bush perfectly. Sadly he has moved away now, so I am left with my bush getting completely out of control, and of course I no longer have access to his balls either.

Shaggy PussyIf you truly love your relationship with your bush, and see getting it trimmed as a form of recreation, then make sure the man you entrust with the serious job of trimming your bush is not going to become too scissor happy. One thing you need to realise is that if he clips it too much you will end up with a naked bush, which although it will make less mess everywhere, can still end up looking like a plucked chicken and will grow back bristly and possibly unattractive. Over-trimming may also cause your bush to grow back thicker than ever, which creates more work the next time it needs attention, plus your male helper may not be able to see where he is going in order to satisfy your demanding requirements.

A Brazilian BushRemember, a happy bush is one that gets attention frequently, and receives enough moisture to keep it in tip top shape. Don’t be embarassed to ask your man to talk to your bush, your bush will thrive off any oral interaction and will no doubt perk up alot after such an intimate encounter.

I hope this article has encouraged you to get your bush trimmed regularly, and that you have a male friend who is willing and able to help you out with this all important task.

If any males reading this are available to help me sort out my bush I would be very grateful, as this year I seem to be struggling to find volunteers. This could be because my bush caught a nasty disease last year, and anyone who handled it seem to end up itching, or they took the disease home and passed it on to their wife’s bushes. I can reassure you that this problem has now been solved and my bush is perfectly healthy again since it was sprayed, (if somewhat overgrown).

Thank you for any help you are willing to give me to tackle my rampant bush.

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Article by mistyhorizon2003

I live in the Channel Island of Guernsey with my Husband Richard and our two cats Ronnie and Squish. I love to grow vegetables, play pool, write and sing. Formerly I worked as an assistant in a veterinary surgery locally, but for about 3 years now I have been a housewife.
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